Part time Boy

So if I’m a part time girl, I must also be a part time boy right? I’m not sure who I would prefer to be in the picture above, although I do like the red toenail polish. Actually both of them might have red toenail polish! But shouldn’t I want to be full time one or the other? It must be confusing right?

Yes it’s confusing. Society is such that generally boys are boys and girls are girls. And that’s what I grew up knowing. But girls could get away with boyish things. And in some circumstances even be admired for doing so. Boys however can very rarely get away with girlish things. And I think it’s because girls are seen as the weaker gender and why would a boy want to embrace that?

So for most of my life I buried my girl side. And she only came out at private moments at home. She longed to go out but was too afraid to go out and face the world. 

So obviously I should have just gone all girl and that should make everything better right? Well that would be easier for society but really no change for me. I’m not all girl. I have a boy side, so going to one side or the other is just the same for me because there are two sides to me and going to one side means I miss out on the other.

So what’s so good about being a boy anyway?

I love being a husband to my wife and trying to do all the little things to let her know how much I love her. 

I love running around like a madman with my son. It’s so much fun. I really don’t think I could do that as a girl. 

I like the strength of being a boy. I’m certainly no strong man, but I know there’s simple things I can do without thinking about, that my wife can’t do, because I’m a little bit stronger. Or because my hands are a little bigger. 

I think I’m supposed to say because there’s no toilet queues. But while that may be true I’m in a fairly unique position that I can honestly say that girls toilets are way cleaner than boys toilets and smell a whole lot better too.

I’m a quiet person and being a boy I can blend easily into the background. No one notices me and that’s perfect. 

I don’t feel like prey as a boy. As a girl I get noticed more than I do as a boy. And sometimes that includes the unwanted attention that all girls face at some stage. So I definitely feel safer and more secure as a boy. 

As a boy I can just get up and go. If I look daggy (my doctor’s words) it’s ok. But as a girl I like to look good. And that takes a little bit of effort. 

Overall I think being a boy is easier than being a girl. But then I’m the sort of person who will take the stairs instead of the lift. Easy doesn’t mean that it’s better. And hard also doesn’t mean that it’s better either. I just know that I like and need both of my sides. 

Photo by Josh Felise

Advertisements

I’m a sister!

ben-white-131245

I’m a sister. And I have 3 sisters. Sadly though my eldest sister never got to meet Loretta. My whole family have been so accepting it’s been amazing! I… Am… So… Lucky! But that’s another story.

I’m also a Priceline sister. Did you catch their 40% off cosmetics sale last week? I almost missed it. I was on my way home on the last day of sales when I remembered. So I dropped in…. In boy mode.

Apart from some staff and the occasional boyfriend holding bags I was the only boy actually shopping. Well that’s what it looked like to everyone else. It was definitely the girl who was shopping. Lip liner, long wear lipstick and “Oh my God! Dermablend included in the 40% off? No way!” cover creme, setting powder.

I didn’t have my sister club card with me. But the assistant found my membership number at the register and didn’t miss a beat. Obviously I didn’t look like Loretta at all. But she just confirmed my address and completed the sale. 40% off and perfect professional service? Oh I love Priceline 🙂

And then she complimented me on my savvy. She said that all of the girls on staff were buying dermablend (and nyx) because it never goes on sale. Her only lament was that it really didn’t suit her skin tone. She was quite pale and needed to cover a tat. She even recommended that I check out Kat von D for full coverage makeup even though Priceline didn’t sell it.

Now this interaction might seem like nothing out of the ordinary, but it was amazing for me. She treated me, and talked with me, like a girl even though I looked nothing like a girl… And I really mean that I didn’t look like a girl. But that didn’t matter to her at all. It made my day! So thank you so much!

Photo by Ben White

So what makes me a girl? Part 1

ben-white-138743

Hmm! This is not something that I can answer fully right now and I think this will be just one part of many posts where I try to find the answer/s to this question. One of the core reasons for my blog is to give myself a place to explore questions like these, so that I can better understand myself.

Obviously I like girl things but that doesn’t make me a girl. It just means I like girl things. So what girl things do I like?

I like girl clothes, the shape, the texture, the colour. I can’t ever imagine being a boy and wearing floral pants. But if you read my last post you would have seen my favourite floral box pleat skirt. So obviously I can easily wear floral bottoms as a girl.

As a girl I think my style is pretty feminine. I do have girl pants and jeans, and when I first started going to work as a girl that’s what I wore. But as time went by, I spent more and more time wearing skirts and a top instead.

My favourite skirts are box pleat. They give me a bit of shape that no other bottoms will give me. It balances out my v shape and makes me feel more feminine. Does it make me a girl? No it doesn’t, but it makes me feel more like one, even if I don’t quite look like one.

Lingerie! I love lingerie 🙂 Does anything get more feminine than lingerie? Sadly my choices are a little restricted but that’s ok because it’s still lingerie. Restricted? Why? There’s a couple of reasons.

So reason 1 is that knickers need to be able to hide a little bit more than what the average girl is hiding. So G-strings are out. However satin is in! Satin is really great for holding things in place. So a Brazilian cut pair of satin knickers is perfect for me. Totally feminine and helps with keeping things where they should be!

Oh why oh why am I allergic to silicon? When I decided that I was really going to embrace my inner girl, the first thing I wanted to address was getting some good boobs. No I don’t mean getting a set of DD cups or bigger. I mean getting ones that feel like a part of you rather than just something to fill your bra. So I got some nice B cups that you could attach so they really felt like a part of you. And they really did feel like they were a part of me, and made me feel so feminine.

Sadly though I had an allergic reaction to them and no matter what I tried I would break out in a rash every time I wore them. But the end of the working week the skin under my boobs was a disaster area. And each week it got worse and worse. And then I started to get an allergic reaction to the bandaids I was patching myself up with. I had to give up my beloved boobs.

I tried going with boobs that didn’t stick, but unfortunately they gave me a rash too. Not as bad as the old ones but still a problem. The solution for me was to go with pocket Bras. Not my first choice but my skin is really thankful. While the choices are far far fewer there are still some beautifully feminine pieces of lingerie that I’ve bought 🙂

So does any of this make me a girl? No but it does make me feel feminine.

I hate makeup! I’m not very good at it but I keep on trying because I love makeup. Have you seen how it changes your face? I suck at it but I can make myself look a little feminine and that helps me feel feminine.

Long hair! I hate it! It gets stuck on your face. Gets into your mouth. It gets tangled but it’s oh so feminine. And the second I put my wig on, that’s the moment when Loretta magically appears. 

Never mind that I’ve been getting my girl self ready for ages – doing the clothes thing, the boob thing, the tucking the thing, the makeup thing. I still have to do the shoe thing, the accessories thing and the perfume thing. But its that moment with my wig. That’s when Loretta appears. Oh I know she’s always in me, but at that moment, I look like her, and I become her. 

Does that make me a girl? Or a boy who likes girl things? Or part time boy and part time girl. 

Photo by Ben White

Lady of Leisure!

celia-michon-115006

Lucky me! Work has been very busy for everyone recently. And so on Monday the boss said that everyone gets to take Friday off 🙂 That’s today! So for today only, I’m a lady of leisure.

What to do? What to do? Actually I didn’t think twice. I knew what I wanted to do as soon as we were told we had today off. I’d been wanting to do this for ages. So I made the call straight away to Chiquel to get my wigs cut and styled for me. After that……..shopping!

So here I am today. I got my wigs cut and styled by Tané at Chiquel and they look and feel so much better. They just blend in so much better with my real hair that I’m just blown away. And then there’s the one he cut so I can wear my hair up. Oh… My… God!, “Tané, You’re an absolute magician! Thank you! Thank you so much!” Needless to say, I will definitely be going back to Tané and Chiquel for my future wigs 🙂

So seeing as I’m here in Bondi Junction I thought a trip to the MAC store would be worth a look. I didn’t have an appointment but was hoping they might be free so I could get some foundation help (I so suck at makeup). Anyway they said they should be free in half an hour to help me. So I waited…. 40 minutes later I was still waiting. They told me to go get a coffee and come back. So I did. Only to find that they were now helping someone else. Sigh! Absolutely went from the high of the day to the low of the day. Wasted over an hour. I’m never going back to MAC……without an appointment. Oh well, shopping time 🙂

So where does a bargain hunting girl shop? Dfo of course, there’s so many places to check out, but now I only have half a day.

I’m a dotti girl. I love their skirts. I haven’t found anywhere else that has so many gorgeous box pleat skirts. And for a V-shaped girl like me, box pleat is a god-send. In fact today I’m wearing my favourite dotti skirt.

Screenshot_20161115-190944

So going to dotti is a bit like looking in my wardrobe,”I’ve got those those burnt orange shorts… That cardy is in my bag. I’ve got that floral full circle skirt, and that bomber….” You get the idea?

“Oooh! So there’s that skirt I really wanted to buy online and it comes in a 10! Perfect!” Sadly it wasn’t perfect, I think I need to be supermodel height rather than my 167. Oh well, I’ll just have to rock the lacy, peach coloured box pleat skirt instead. And then some short sleeved, plain, ribbed tops. Black, mustard and teal. I wasn’t expecting it, but the teal top was a great match for my favourite dotti skirt. And these tops were a great shape for me too. Figure skimming rather than skin tight or comfortably loose. Fit and flare, that’s me.

Now, I’m the kind of girl who is a bit more confident about going out when I at least have foundation and lipstick on. Kind of helps with hiding the beard shadow, you know? But what does a girl do to stop getting makeup on every top or dress she tries on? I don’t know if it’s something other girls do but I took along a plastic fruit bag from the supermarket to pop over my head. It worked like a charm. Makeup in the bag, not on the clothes 🙂

I shopped til I dropped, and came away with lots of ideas but only added a denim pencil skirt from just jeans, and a tiny, white and black lace patterned card wallet from strandbag to my haul. And everything was actually on my hit list! I didn’t stray!

I almost fell for the gorgeous white, lace mermaid skirt in portmans. But I couldn’t think of where I would wear it. It certainly screamed nightwear. And really, I’m a daytime girl. And I need value out of my clothes, not a once off wear.

It was an awesome day. I’m not sure when I’ll get to do it again. I did come home with a war wound though. Blistered left heel. It only happened right at the end of my day. And it was strange because all day I was worried about my right heel and that ended up being fine. Note to self: must buy new black leather flats that can go all day.

The major downside for my day was that I couldn’t find a spring hair clip. While Tané’s work was amazing, something to draw attention away from my hairline would make it perfect. Can’t wait for my next day off 🙂

Title photo by Celia Michon

Favourite skirt photo from dotti

 

Hi I’m Loretta

Hi! I’m Loretta, I’m a part time girl. Welcome to my blog. I’m sorry if it’s self-indulgent because I really only created it to get my head around…well me actually 🙂

You see, I’m transgender, and I’m still trying to understand what it all means. Some of you might identify me as a crossdresser, because there’s no way in hell that I’m going all the way like Caitlyn Jenner. That’s just not for me. I don’t want to do the drugs and I really don’t want surgery, so here I am, part time girl and part time boy. For me, it’s more than just the clothes though.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Caitlyn is absolutely awesome, and she’s opened so many doors for girls like me. Never have people ever been so transgender aware. So for the first time in forever (cue Anna in Frozen) I’ve been able to be free to be me.

I think I must be the most atypical transgender ever. I’m not gender dysphoric. I don’t hate being a boy. In fact there’s so much I love about it. The problem is that really, that’s only part of me.

So at the moment in my professional life, I’m a girl. And at home I’m a boy. Which as far as I can tell is exactly the opposite of what most of my sisters do. Go figure?

And I’ve been so lucky. Everyone at work has been so supportive it’s been amazing. I work in a small office where we all work together and while there was a hiccup at the start (that’s a whole other story which I’m sure I’ll post in the near future) they’ve all accepted me with open arms. And the whole experience has been fantastic! I… Am… So… Lucky!

Thanks for stopping by. Happy Mardi-Gras!

Loretta

Photo by Morgan Session