So what makes me a girl? Part 1

ben-white-138743

Hmm! This is not something that I can answer fully right now and I think this will be just one part of many posts where I try to find the answer/s to this question. One of the core reasons for my blog is to give myself a place to explore questions like these, so that I can better understand myself.

Obviously I like girl things but that doesn’t make me a girl. It just means I like girl things. So what girl things do I like?

I like girl clothes, the shape, the texture, the colour. I can’t ever imagine being a boy and wearing floral pants. But if you read my last post you would have seen my favourite floral box pleat skirt. So obviously I can easily wear floral bottoms as a girl.

As a girl I think my style is pretty feminine. I do have girl pants and jeans, and when I first started going to work as a girl that’s what I wore. But as time went by, I spent more and more time wearing skirts and a top instead.

My favourite skirts are box pleat. They give me a bit of shape that no other bottoms will give me. It balances out my v shape and makes me feel more feminine. Does it make me a girl? No it doesn’t, but it makes me feel more like one, even if I don’t quite look like one.

Lingerie! I love lingerie 🙂 Does anything get more feminine than lingerie? Sadly my choices are a little restricted but that’s ok because it’s still lingerie. Restricted? Why? There’s a couple of reasons.

So reason 1 is that knickers need to be able to hide a little bit more than what the average girl is hiding. So G-strings are out. However satin is in! Satin is really great for holding things in place. So a Brazilian cut pair of satin knickers is perfect for me. Totally feminine and helps with keeping things where they should be!

Oh why oh why am I allergic to silicon? When I decided that I was really going to embrace my inner girl, the first thing I wanted to address was getting some good boobs. No I don’t mean getting a set of DD cups or bigger. I mean getting ones that feel like a part of you rather than just something to fill your bra. So I got some nice B cups that you could attach so they really felt like a part of you. And they really did feel like they were a part of me, and made me feel so feminine.

Sadly though I had an allergic reaction to them and no matter what I tried I would break out in a rash every time I wore them. But the end of the working week the skin under my boobs was a disaster area. And each week it got worse and worse. And then I started to get an allergic reaction to the bandaids I was patching myself up with. I had to give up my beloved boobs.

I tried going with boobs that didn’t stick, but unfortunately they gave me a rash too. Not as bad as the old ones but still a problem. The solution for me was to go with pocket Bras. Not my first choice but my skin is really thankful. While the choices are far far fewer there are still some beautifully feminine pieces of lingerie that I’ve bought 🙂

So does any of this make me a girl? No but it does make me feel feminine.

I hate makeup! I’m not very good at it but I keep on trying because I love makeup. Have you seen how it changes your face? I suck at it but I can make myself look a little feminine and that helps me feel feminine.

Long hair! I hate it! It gets stuck on your face. Gets into your mouth. It gets tangled but it’s oh so feminine. And the second I put my wig on, that’s the moment when Loretta magically appears. 

Never mind that I’ve been getting my girl self ready for ages – doing the clothes thing, the boob thing, the tucking the thing, the makeup thing. I still have to do the shoe thing, the accessories thing and the perfume thing. But its that moment with my wig. That’s when Loretta appears. Oh I know she’s always in me, but at that moment, I look like her, and I become her. 

Does that make me a girl? Or a boy who likes girl things? Or part time boy and part time girl. 

Photo by Ben White

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s