Winter’s coming! 

So winter is almost here, cold days ahead! Probably not quite as bad as in this photo…have we ever had snow in Sydney? But what to wear to keep warm? Oh dear! I think I might be channelling my inner teenager. A nice coral long sleeve rib top, some knee high black boots and a…. flippy black miniskirt? Ok so how old am I? Doesn’t matter, mentally I think I’m exactly the right age for this outfit. Of course there’s some foundation wear to help keep me warm like a good warm singlet and some 120 denier black tights and some ankle socks too.

I seem to be branching out from my fit and flare look. Oh I still love it, but I guess it’s the same shape even if I’m wearing different tops and skirts. But a miniskirt? At my age? I couldn’t resist buying it. And at $6 I really couldn’t go wrong right? Well I think it works so I’m going to wear it.

I’ve even been wearing my jeans recently too. I added some high waist jeans to my wardrobe. I was worried that they wouldn’t fit because of my not quite so feminine shape. But you know what? They’re awesome! I actually wore them last Friday to the GQ meeting. And I think I nailed the look.

High waist blue Skinny jeans,. A navy and white thin horizontal stripey top. My red, orange and black statement dorsay Heels, which was a good match with my favourite red and orange handbag. My white and pink floral bomber to keep me warm. A silver and gold leaf necklace with my signature silver hoop earrings to finish things off. I really could have been just another girl out on a cold Friday night…and I was.

Actually I looked a lot like our facilitator AM. Except she was tall, blonde, short hair with blue eyes. Ok so maybe not looked like her, but our outfits were pretty similar. Blue jeans, stripey top and heels. Oh and she’s a lesbian too, just like me 🙂

And would you believe it? I’m even wearing sleeveless tops now! I’m putting my shy shoulders out there. Well sometimes anyway. And besides these longline peplum tops work really well with my jeans. Throw a longline black cardi on top and tada!

Apparently velvet is in this season, and I have succumbed. A black velvet A-line skirt and a black velvet short sleeve top. I’m never planning to wear them together but separately they’ve been working well. Adding another texture to my black and white outfits. Oh this is so much fun! Did I tell you that I’m enjoying being a girl?

OK next project is the business meeting look. Hmm this will be tricky. I don’t actually have any business clothing so I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got. I suspect that both the jeans and the miniskirt are both out though. Perhaps my navy pants? Or my black pencil skirt (it’s denim though but hard to tell). Or maybe the black tuxedo pants will get a run. My white box pleat skirt?

Actually it’s funny, most of the time I’ll start choosing an outfit by picking my bottoms first. I wonder if this is peculiar to me? How do others pick their outfits? Unless I’ve got a new top I’ll usually coordinate my tops with the bottoms. Having said that there’s a couple of tops that are demanding to be worn. Valleygirl long sleeve lace top in white. (possible pairing with navy pants, or maybe with the pencil, and it should be a killer with my blue jeans, but not the look I want for the budget meeting) plenty of time to figure it out though. The meeting isn’t until next Tuesday. Wait! I’ve only got 7 days to figure this out? Oh my goodness!

Photo by Heather Shelvin 

Trapdoor 

Ok so usually I only blog about things that happen in the life of Loretta. I figure that the boy side is OK with everything that goes on, so blogging the boy side is not a priority. However Trapdoor was so much fun that I had to blog it anyway!

The Vivid festival is on! We go every year to check out the light festival. And it’s always really good so we keep on coming back. The only problem is that the festival is so big that we can’t get around to everything. This year we didn’t make it to the rocks or darling harbour….and that’s despite having dinner at mamak! 

Ah mamak! It must be our favourite restaurant. Roti, kari ayam, Nasi lemak Mmmm. Perfect start to the night. Especially after indulging in a roti tisu as well. Actually I tried a veggie curry tonight with my Nasi lemak and it was very nice. Milder than the other curries but it was a nice change. I’d certainly order it again. 

So after an early dinner we hit the vivid trail at 6pm. First stop barangaroo. We haven’t been to this section before. It’s all new new new! And the reason we came was for the trapdoor exhibit. After walking under the mantarays and gawking at the deep sea divers we found ourselves in the queue…..and in for a half hour wait. 

So in trapdoor a group of people (6-10) get to stand in a ten metre square “stage” where they show scenes on the floor that you stand on. The first thing that happens is that they show the floor cracking with most of it falling away and you then tumble past the bones of dinosaurs. You then get to see pieces from barangaroo. It’s not real historical stuff, just things you can have fun with. 

Anyway after waiting only 20 minutes it was our turn. There’s a 10 second change over between groups so it all happens pretty fast. My wife was just going to watch and take photos, she’s not so good with moving things or pictures. Then the people behind us had a baby and a pram, and weren’t quick enough on the changeover. This meant that it was just the two of us, me and my son. (I know I know it’s bad English!) lucky us! 

So the floor cracked and fell away, showing us the dinosaur bones. And I fell too, sprawled on my back as we fell through the ages. I picked myself up and we found ourselves standing on logs, which were being sawn up so we jumped from one log to another so we didn’t get sawn up. 

Then we found ourselves on a tall ship at sea. Somehow I was on the main yard trying to keep my balance as I slowly walked to the end where I was knocked off it by the tentacle of a giant pink squid. We landed in what must have been an air conditioning plant underneath barangaroo. We jumped up and down on the compressor to keep it going while the nearby penguins shivered. 

Barangaroo must have its own waste composting because that’s where we found ourselves next. Just us, the compost and a giant green worm! Quick run away before he eats us! Run run run! There’s obviously fun places here too because we found ourselves on a dance floor with different coloured squares where we could strut our stuff…with the penguins! 

It was all over in 75 seconds, but it was sooooo much fun. And then something strange happened. We got a round of applause! I totally forgot that there were other people around. I was in the moment having fun. Just me and my son. I guess the other people had fun too just watching us have fun. Admittedly I was trying to have as much fun as possible with it and I guess it showed. 

Hey I thought I was an introvert. But then I have also been described as gregarious. I guess it all depends on the timing. 

Photo from destination nsw 

Meeting girls, boys and everyone in between. 

So at my meeting with my counsellor the other week. She let me know there was a meeting of gender queer people that I might like to attend. Gender queer? Essentially those of us who don’t conform to just boy or girl. Perhaps both, at the same time or separately. Perhaps neither. Perhaps??? 

Anyway I seem to fit, being a part time girl and part time boy. It’s a structured meeting rather than the relaxed gathering style of my girls. This might be a good thing for me, because the reason I wanted to meet my girls, was so I could learn more about me. And so far it’s been great meeting them all, but I’m not sure how much more I can learn about me there.  

Then there’s the clash of nights. Both meetings are same night but different times. So I could go to both but gee it makes a long day. I will do it this month though. Just so that I can see what the new meeting is like and because my meeting with the girls is actually the AGM. After that we’ll have to see.  

———————————————————-

Wow! So the GQ meeting was a diverse group of people. There were seven of us plus the facilitator.  All of us born male bar one. From nineteen year olds to sixty year olds and everywhere in between. We came from the Illawarra to Newtown to Campbelltown. 

Some of us came as girls, some of us came as boys. Not surprisingly I was the girliest of us all. There were two male to female transsexuals. One female to male who might transition. One female trapped in a male body who couldn’t transition for medical reasons. One probable female in a male body who was still exploring who they were. One male who identifies as male but looked, sounded like, and had the mannerisms of a female. And then there was me, fifty-fifty – phone a friend. 

We were all very unique in our own ways. And it was very interesting to hear everyone’s story. The story from the nineteen year old was difficult to listen to. They (that’s the pronoun that they’re comfortable with) got very heavily involved in drugs because of the gender identify confusion they were experiencing. And it sounds like they have a lot more to work through before they can find themselves. 

The two mtf transsexuals seemed to be very confident about who they were. And I think they thought that their experiences could provide answers for us. But we were all so different from each other that this was not really the case, as we all had to work pretty hard to understand where each other were coming from. Now given how tricky it was for us, it must be next to impossible for anyone else to come to terms with what it means to be gender queer, let alone transgender. 

The meeting was fairly organic, and didn’t follow what the facilitator had planned. But that was ok because the discussions were deep enough for that not to matter. One thing that came up was, what does it mean to transition? Can you transition without making any changes to your body, or the clothes you wear? So actually transition just mentally? 

I think it is possible. Although for me personally, it would not be enough. But body modification? Hormones? For me that is too much. And besides, wouldn’t that make me female rather than gender queer? I could just say that I am transgender and continue on as I was, but as I know now, that is not enough for me. I desire the clothes, the hair, the makeup so that I can show my feminine side. I love to be able to blend in with my gender, that is, whichever gender I’m presenting at the time. In my case, gender is actually black or white, it just depends on whether I’m showing the black side or the white side. Or should that be the pink or the blue side. 

Even though there were dominant older hands at this meeting, and that there were some difficult stories, I think it was a meeting worth going to. There was definitely something worth learning at the meeting. And I’m hopeful and pretty confident that there will be more to learn in the meetings to come. This was not a social meeting, it had direction and I think that’s what I need. So for the time being I think I’ll give up on my meetings with the girls, and just do this one instead. The day would just be too long if I did both. And I really need to choose the meeting that I think will help me the most. 

Of all of the people there I felt the most empathy for it was the male, who looked female, but is male. His world must be a very tricky one to navigate. It’s hard to imagine that anyone could guess his true gender no matter what he wore, or did to his hair. His voice, those mannerisms, they all scream girl. And he’s also asexual. To him none of this matters, he is who he is, but he doesn’t know how to tell people this. He is alone in this country having come here to study. Oh it must be so hard for him. I know that it’s hard for all of us. But his story grabbed me the most.

I did drop in on the girls afterwards. And I’m recognising a lot more faces now. The setup was auditorium style which made it a little more difficult to chat. I really didn’t miss anything even though I was half an hour late as the Agm hadn’t started yet. The agm was a bit disappointing to be honest. I had hoped that there would be some indication of what was to come in the year ahead. Sadly there was not. 

The only bright spark seemed to be when one of the Tamworth girls spoke of plans of a Tamworth group and sought advice on whether they should be part of us or separate. I voiced my support for them to be a part of us, because we are a state based organisation not a Sydney based one. The President seemed not so keen though. And that is so strange at a time when we need members. 

I don’t have high hopes for the girls in the coming year. It’s tricky, like so many groups we rely on volunteers to steer us. Now the volunteers might have the best of intentions but if they don’t have the right skills to guide us, then we are in trouble. 

As far as I can see, the girls really are just a social group. In order, the three most important things appear to be the ball, the Christmas party and the social meetings. For this group I would say that the committee are already at capacity. I don’t think they can do any more. To be honest I think they have gone too far away from the Objects of the group. Hopefully the financial management is strong enough so that they can survive until a new group of office bearers can be brought in. They really need some strategic planning before the group can move forward. 

Would I stick my hand up to help? Right now not on your Nelly! I’m way to busy. And I couldn’t do it alone. I’d need to find some other girls that wanted to steer the group back to their objectives. 

What would I change? The social meetings would be my first priority. It’s lovely to be able to come and meet the girls but I think we need more than that to keep new girls coming back. I’m pretty much over it after three meetings. The old girls are a bit cliquey and I would have thought there would be something educational at these meetings to help the new girls especially with tips and tricks.. Or to help them find resources for the mental challenges that they face. I think the old hands have been there and done that and have forgotten what it’s like to be new. 

Oh I would so change the website. The current webmistress has done a wonderful job with content but really I think the website is a mess. Two main things, it needs to be cleaner and it needs to be on a platform that anyone can use. I mean what would happen if we lost our webmistress? Could we update the current site? 

I could go on but I won’t. Two things are enough for me to complain about, seeing as I won’t be doing anything about them…for now anyway. So sadly I think I need to bid the girls farewell for the time being. Perhaps we will meet again in the future. 

Maybe…… 


So maybe I was wrong. Maybe I’m not a Revlon girl. I have to say that I’m pretty hooked on their green and blue eye-liners, as well as their nude lipliner and their lip balms. However I had thought that their foundation was my go to as well. 

Being the kind of girl that I am, all of the advice, that I had found, said I needed a full coverage foundation. The advice was to get professional coverage. Dermablend and kryolan were the suggestions. 

Now I know I’m not your average girl, but I also know that I’m not your average transgender girl either. By the grace of my lucky genes I’m not that…ahem…hairy. I don’t have too much facial hair, I could never grow a beard. And you can literally count my armpit hair on one hand. Ok two hands if you’re counting both armpits. 

So I figured that I should be able to get away with something a little bit lighter, but still full coverage. Revlon’s whipped creme in warm golden seemed to fit the bill here. Good coverage but not too heavy. Not that dermablend is heavy. It’s just that I struggle to see skin under there. 

However warm golden is just a touch too light for me. Whereas dermablend’s golden beige is a tad too dark for me. But both are workable, not perfect, but pretty good. One of the things that I was keen to find out about when I went to MAC, was what my colour match was. They matched me as NC35. But I thought that it was a touch light. And given the price, I’d go for both the dermablend (same price) and the revlon (67% price). 

Of course any girl who’s into makeup is going to try and find works best for them, preferably at the best price too. So reading through articles on “go to drug store” makeup as recommended by the pros, I found that my whipped creme was highly rated so I was happy about that (Yes! I’m on the right track!) But there was one other that kept on coming up as a recommendation….Fit me! by Maybelline. 

Maybelline foundation? Hey I can get that at the supermarket! I waited a few weeks and it went on half price sale. So I bought some foundation in sun beige and the matching powder. They didn’t have the matching concealer so I went with sand. It looked a little lighter but I didn’t realise until much later that it was two shades lighter. Anyway I still had plenty of whipped creme to get through so I put my new Maybelline aside…..until this morning. 

So Fit me! is a liquid foundation, that’s a novelty for me. I’m used to thick foundation that you warm up on the back of your hand, so you can apply it. This stuff is runny in comparison. Well duh! It is liquid. However once I got past this, I had an OMG moment. “Sun beige is my perfect match!” 

OK so the colour match is perfect but is it any good? After one day’s use I think so. Sadly I was too rushed at the end of the day to do a proper assessment before I took off my makeup. However, the coverage was good. And the problem I normally have with foundation and the tip of my nose, seemed to be not so bad. 

I set the foundation with the matching powder and it didn’t make me orange! I’ve tried setting whipped creme with a pressed powder but that gives me a distinct orange glow. Translucent powder has been my go to with both revlon and dermablend. Any pressed powder touch ups through the day have needed to be light to avoid that orange glow. So I’m hoping that this Maybelline foundation /powder combination is the one. 

So buying from the supermarket does have it’s issues though, like smaller range. Which meant that the concealer I got was two shades lighter. However, using this on my moustache area worked out better than I could have imagined. In fact I think it’s the best coverage I’ve found so far for my “trouble spot”. 

Throughout the day my foundation seemed to hold up and that includes me going for a ride to the post office and shops. I’ll know more in the next week or so but so far I like! It’s early days yet, but maybe I’m not a revlon girl anymore. Maybe I’m a Maybelline girl. And given that even at full price it’s a third of the price of Dermablend or MAC and half the price of Revlon, then if I am a Maybelline girl, my hip pocket is going to be as happy as my face. 

It’s not really a surprise that I may not be a complete revlon girl. With my background I’m better matched to a bit of this and a bit of that 🙂 And besides did I tell you that I’m a huge buffy fan? 

Photo is SMG wearing Maybelline

All mixed up! 

So my boy side and girl side are getting a little mixed up. Not surprisingly so, as I guess I probably spend half of my waking hours as girl and the other half as boy. 

This morning I noticed that I used one of my high heel turns…except I wasn’t wearing heels and I wasn’t a girl. You know sort of a step swivel on the ball of your foot. I know this is definitely one of my girl steps. I don’t remember doing this as a boy. In fact I think I use a crossover step with the opposite foot for the same result. But in heels I’m already on the ball of my foot so it makes a quick turn. 

Now I wonder what other girl habits or techniques are seeping through to the boy side. It’s inevitable I guess, but I wonder what else there is? I know I cross my legs girl style, I’ve done that for a long time. And I can even double cross my legs. 

I check out my nails a lot too. Sometimes checking for stray polish. Sometimes checking cuticles or for chips in my nails. 

Oh! Today I found myself using girl voice with the neighbour, when I wished them a great holiday. But that might not count seeing as I still had half of my eyeliner on one eye. So therefore I was still partly in girl mode? Oops! 

I think I may have used some girl speak as well. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I remember thinking “Oh that’s my girl side talking” 

And of course my boy side strays over to my girl side. Especially in the afternoons when I’m getting tired, or if I’m getting dehydrated. The boy voice returns and if I’m dehydrated it’s hard to get the girl voice working again. 

And if I swear or say something else spontaneously, it’s invariably the boy who does it.

Maybe one day it will all leak out together and I’ll just be me 🙂

Photo from unsplash.com 

I’ve been read! 

I’m talking about passing again. If someone figures out you’re actually not the same sex as the gender you’re portraying then you’ve been read. Passing isn’t everything, but it sure makes things easier when you can blend in.

So I do try hard to pass. Just to make life easier when dealing with other people. Hence the girly clothes, the heels, the makeup, the wig, the earrings, the shaped eyebrows, the nail polish, the jewellery, the petite watch, the handbag. Everything that screams girl. But despite all this how did I get read? My mum. 

So I went with my mum to open a new account at her usual bank. Now mum’s pretty recognisable with her walking stick. And the staff got used to seeing both mum and dad come in together. They know that dad passed away and that mum now comes in with one of her kids. So the lady at the bank instantly recognised mum and then a moment later figured out who I was. 

Admittedly she knew I was transgender. I told her when I was with mum at the bank four months ago in boy mode. Back then she found it hard to believe. Today she believed it. I don’t think she would have read me without mum though. And she did have inside information. And as we were leaving she told me I was beautiful. Hey being read isn’t so bad 🙂

What to do with my hair? 

So while I’m comfortable with my wig, especially after Tanè worked his magic on it, what do I do about my boy hair? Ideally I should get it to blend in with my wig. But that’s easier said than done. 
Really the only boy hair that shows are my sideburns. Now I could grow these and I think they would blend in quite nicely. I might need a bit of dye, but it would work thanks to my lucky genes. However take the wig off and that’s just not going to work for a boy cut. It would look really strange. Sigh! 

So here I am and it’s haircut time. I guess the ‘burns will need to be trimmed back. But not too much, and definitely no squaring! That will not do at all. As per usual my life is full of compromises. The fun and challenges of being transgender and in the middle.

Sitting in the chair and having the hairdresser snip away at my sideburns is getting my stomach my muscles all knotted up. I’m quite sad to lose my growing sideburns. I don’t think they’ve ever been that long. 

The funny thing is now that I have my hair cut, the new sideburns actually blend in better. So I was worried for no reason. Phew! 

Sometimes you think the destination is going to be horrible and you worry for the whole journey and then things end up being better than expected. Glass is half full right? 

Photo by Verne Ho

Big day! 

So the day has come at last. Today’s the day I finally get to see my gender counsellor. It’s been a long time in coming. I think I booked this appointment over 3 months ago! 
To be honest I think I’m fine with who I am and my gender identity. Throughout my time being Loretta, I don’t think that I’ve ever thought that I was all girl. I still love my boy side but I do love my girl side too. 

Am I sitting on the fence? Certainly I know that I’m not all boy. Otherwise I wouldn’t be Loretta. Am I all girl? I don’t think so, but to be honest I don’t think I would really know, unless I went girl 100% of the time. Now I’m not talking surgery or hormones. That’s definitely not me. But 100% girl? All the time? There’s too much to give up. And I don’t think being 100% girl would make me happy if I gave up all that. And I’d still need to find my boy side too. 

It’s just that I don’t fit into society’s gender norms. And I really really don’t. I think transsexuals have more acceptance now which is fantastic. And because of Caitlyn, I think they are getting an acceptance as a gender norm. However there’s still a bit of a way to go for those of us in the middle of the transgender spectrum. I think we still have a long way to go before we become a society gender norm. Sadly I don’t think this will happen in my lifetime, or actually for a long long time to come. 

Anyway here I am on the bus and almost there. To be honest this driver is the worst I’ve had in a long long time. It will be no surprise if someone gets hurt, or something gets broken. 

And so my counselling session held no surprises. No questioning of who I was or how I came to be who I am. Really just a lot of listening to my story. And she got it, she understood why I came to counselling. For me? Yes, but really to make sure my wife and child can be supported through all of this. To ensure that we continue to be a family together. 

My priority is to make sure that my wife and son are ok with my changes. We’ve talked about it, but I need to be sure, because my marriage, my wife, my son are the most important parts of my life and I really need to do whatever it takes to get it to work.

Session one is complete. Now the work begins. 

Photo by sunset girl 

Back 2 MAC 

So now that the debacle of my first MAC visit has faded away in my memory. I finally managed to see a MAC consultant. I took a lesson which covered the basics and got to try some different products….that is different in that I hadn’t tried MAC before. Of course I’ve tried foundation, concealer, eye-liner, liquid lipstick, powder etc. But I hadn’t tried a hydration and priming mist or a degreaser. 
It was a good experience, but while there were a couple of tips and tricks. I don’t really know that there’s much difference between what I was doing before and now. So the good news is that I’m on the right track. But I don’t think that any of the MAC products are a must. I think I’ll stick with Priceline makeup… I am a sister after all. And it’s much more convenient! 

The biggest disappointment of it all was my new liquid long lasting “dance with me” red lipstick. Love the colour, and the feel. And it’s supposed to need an oil based remover to take it off. Who knew that “yuzu tonkotsu ramen” uses the same oil based remover in their soup! So my new long-lasting lipstick lasted 30 minutes and couldn’t make it through lunch. Oh well at least the ramen was worthwhile! 

So when it comes to makeup, essentially I’m a Priceline sister, and a revlon girl. I must have fallen for those Cindy Crawford ads all those years ago. Surprising seeing as I’m a Buffy fan so I thought I would be a Maybelline girl. 

Photo from freestocks

Catching up with old friends

So today I get a quick catch up with a couple of old friends. One who has heard about the new me, but hasn’t seen me. And another who has seen me but not really in full girl mode. It should be an interesting day. 
And so what happened? Nothing special really, which is why it was special. Matt and I chatted about work, family and friends like it was old times. We probably could have talked for the rest of the day, but we had things we needed to do, so we went our separate ways. 

It’s so nice to have old friends just accept you. I don’t think I look like the old me at all. And I don’t sound the same either, both in pitch and phrasing. But despite these changes they still get me, and relate to me, for the most part, the same way. The only change was that I got a hug. I never got one of those from Matt before. And it was nice.

As much as I’m finding that I like hugs, I’m not about to start initiating them with old friends. I think I might just go the safe route and let them initiate the hug, otherwise it might be too awkward. 

Next I got to catch up with Tom, a very good friend for too many decades. I think it’s probably harder for him, than most of my friends, to see my girl side. It’s something that he would not have seen coming. We shared some great times over the years, so he’s probably wondering how he didn’t know earlier. But that’s the thing with a lot of transgender, we hide things well until all of a sudden there’s an explosion of, in my case, girl! 

Given that this catch up was actually an official appointment it was never going to flow like my catch up with Matt. But nevertheless it was great to see Tom. Just seeing him completely at ease with me looking and sounding all girl was enough. Hopefully one day I can catch up with him when he’s not working and I’m not the client!  

So interesting day? No just awesome

Photo from unsplash

Is this just a game? 

I was thinking about how wonderful it has been to be able to live the life of Loretta on a regular basis. It seems like every day is another adventure and it’s so much fun, Even if the day isn’t fun, like yesterday. But does that mean that I’m treating the life of Loretta as a role-playing game? 

I actually have no experience with RPG’s at all. I’ve only ever read about them. Am I simply having too much fun as Loretta and not treating her life seriously? 

Life as Loretta really is a lot of fun right now. There’s so much to learn about being a girl that I’m constantly switched on. Always thinking now how do I do this? Because things are definitely different as a girl. 

Then there’s the interaction with people. For those that have accepted me fully, my relationship with them seems closer and much less like I’m the outsider. And then there’s the girly interaction, much like I’ve seen how girlfriends interact. And that’s kind of nice. 

Speaking of nice, I received a compliment that I “looked nice”, the other day. I didn’t realise how good that would make me feel, but it did. And the compliment came from someone who knows both my boy and girl sides. So that was extra nice. 

Always in my mind however, is that something may go wrong. And that something negative will happen. Luckily this hasn’t happened and nothing anywhere near bad has ever happened, but it could. And because this is real life, if something does go wrong it actually happens to me and not to some fantasy character. 

At the end of the day this is no RPG, this is real life and I really am Loretta! 

Photo by Jordan Bauer

Love and hate Mondays 

I love Mondays! Yes I know it’s the first day of the working week. But the silver lining is that I get to be Loretta again. And you know Loretta….every day is an adventure! 
It really is. It all starts with choosing what to wear. No longer is it black shorts, a polo shirt and matching socks. Now it’s a choice of pretty skirts or skinny jeans or pencil skirts or short shorts. Maybe with a crop top, a V-neck, maybe something lacy, or pastel or bold. Now that it’s getting cooler perhaps with my black peplum jacket or my white floral bomber.

Oh my God! Then there’s shoes! I don’t think I’ve ever had this many shoes. I still love my Brooks, they’re a great choice…for a boy! The choices, the choices! Maybe the sky high white pumps, or the black flat slingbacks? Perhaps the animal print loafers? At the moment there’s one pair I want to wear all the time. Yes you guessed it, pink double strap mules!

Outfit picked and then time to get ready. I think I might be over black Eye-liner but I’m liking brown. And I love the green. But I’m told blue is great for brown eyes so that’s next on my list. Mascara definitely mascara. Not too much though. 

I’m torn over foundation, dermablend has great coverage but seems heavy. I really like revlon creme but the coverage is not really enough for my trouble areas…oh hello moustache! Setting powder is a must. Now how to fix my shiny nose? 

As much as I love red lipstick it never seems to work for me. So here I’m very predictable at the moment Nude lip pencil followed by my favourite coy lip balm. 

One day I’ll find time for contouring and highlighting. Or maybe some blush or bronzer. But right now this girl is too slow to do any more. 

Accessorise! Dainty silver ladies watch with a pink face. Or maybe the blue face. Silver necklace with the silver and gold leaves? Or maybe the pink and blue butterfly. 

Perfume? Kenzo flower has great staying power but isn’t really me. I’m a guess girl I dare say! But I’m definitely not a double dare kind of girl. Spritz! 

Now the time comes….A quick brush and then flip…onto my head goes my wig. As I turn to the mirror my reaction is always the same, “Hello Gorgeous!” ….and I am. 

I’m not sure what it is about the wig. But it’s a very common theme in the transgender world. When the wig goes on that’s when the girl appears. 

I hate Mondays! At the end of the working day I have to de-girl. And after the high of being Loretta again after the weekend break it’s really hard to de-girl. And I get pretty melancholy about that. I hate Mondays! 

The rest of the week isnt like this at all. Sure I love being Loretta and am sad to de-girl. But I don’t have the peaks and lows of a Monday. Perhaps this is a different type of Mondayitis? 

Photo by Mayur Gala