Big day! 

So the day has come at last. Today’s the day I finally get to see my gender counsellor. It’s been a long time in coming. I think I booked this appointment over 3 months ago! 
To be honest I think I’m fine with who I am and my gender identity. Throughout my time being Loretta, I don’t think that I’ve ever thought that I was all girl. I still love my boy side but I do love my girl side too. 

Am I sitting on the fence? Certainly I know that I’m not all boy. Otherwise I wouldn’t be Loretta. Am I all girl? I don’t think so, but to be honest I don’t think I would really know, unless I went girl 100% of the time. Now I’m not talking surgery or hormones. That’s definitely not me. But 100% girl? All the time? There’s too much to give up. And I don’t think being 100% girl would make me happy if I gave up all that. And I’d still need to find my boy side too. 

It’s just that I don’t fit into society’s gender norms. And I really really don’t. I think transsexuals have more acceptance now which is fantastic. And because of Caitlyn, I think they are getting an acceptance as a gender norm. However there’s still a bit of a way to go for those of us in the middle of the transgender spectrum. I think we still have a long way to go before we become a society gender norm. Sadly I don’t think this will happen in my lifetime, or actually for a long long time to come. 

Anyway here I am on the bus and almost there. To be honest this driver is the worst I’ve had in a long long time. It will be no surprise if someone gets hurt, or something gets broken. 

And so my counselling session held no surprises. No questioning of who I was or how I came to be who I am. Really just a lot of listening to my story. And she got it, she understood why I came to counselling. For me? Yes, but really to make sure my wife and child can be supported through all of this. To ensure that we continue to be a family together. 

My priority is to make sure that my wife and son are ok with my changes. We’ve talked about it, but I need to be sure, because my marriage, my wife, my son are the most important parts of my life and I really need to do whatever it takes to get it to work.

Session one is complete. Now the work begins. 

Photo by sunset girl 

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