I think most people think that being transgender means that you want to be the opposite sex. I get asked a fair bit if I’m going to transition. So I think it’s a fairly common misconception. It’s also probably a function of the way we’ve been brought up in a binary world where you’re either a boy or a girl.
Understanding what transgender means is difficult enough for me. So it must be even more difficult for everyone who isn’t transgender. And it’s because transgender covers everything between female and male. So there’s a lot of ground to cover. And there’s quite a few elements involved here which include:
2 Gender Identity
3 Gender Expression
So for me it looks like this:
1 biological sex – male
2 gender identity – bigender?
3 gender expression – both feminine and masculine
4 attraction – female
I can answer 1,3 & 4 automatically. 2 however is still something that I’m trying to find an answer for. At the moment I think that I’m bigender. But I’m still researching it.
Bigender means that you have both a female and male gender identity. And that you switch between the two. I certainly have both a feminine and masculine gender expression. But that’s different to a gender identity. Do I have both a female and male gender identity? I think so.
It seems that a lot of bigender move between their genders depending on situations or simply how they’re feeling. So their gender is quite fluid. I think I’m a bit different to that, and that I identify more closely with non-fluid bigender. We’ll change genders when we choose to, but we might suffer from a build up of anxiety or stress until we do.
Now I know that I certainly have those symptoms. But strictly speaking I’ve only ever had those symptoms when I’ve needed to change into being a girl. Never the other way. So that old question comes back to me again. Am I a girl? I don’t think so. The thing is that I’ve never been girl long enough to see if I have any stress or anxiousness about being a boy again.
Anyway at this stage I think that I am non-fluid bigender. Not that I’ll ever tell anyone that. I think that for now I’ll just stick with telling people that I’m transgender, and that I love it.