Is being Loretta a control thing? 

Sometimes I feel like my life is out of control. There are so many things going on. It feels like I just get pulled from here to there and back again. And that’s in my home life and in my work life. So it gets me wondering if being Loretta is the one thing that I do have control over? And is that why I love being Loretta?

It’s not like I’m immune to the push and pull of life when I’m Loretta. At work I’m always Loretta and things get pushed and pulled all over the place there. But being Loretta is my choice. No one can change that. It’s my choice.

Seriously, who in their right mind would choose to be bigender? I mean really, you’re a boy sometimes and a girl at other times? How does that work? Quite possibly this is the most difficult gender to be. But I love it because it’s me, all of me. Not just part of me. I no longer need to repress part of who I am.

So it was definitely a conscious decision to embrace first being transgender, to now being bigender. And at the same time to let Loretta out. But is it a control thing? I don’t think my life as Loretta is under control. There’s still a lot of push and pull. But I do have control over how I express myself. Before, I submitted to society’s control of how I expressed myself. So in that respect being Loretta is a control thing.

But is the control the reason I love being Loretta? Is this a two fingered salute to society? Honestly I don’t think like that. Being Loretta is a joy. It’s the part of me that’s been hidden for so long, and I’m absolutely loving being able to express this side of me. And to have society at the stage where I feel safe and supported as Loretta? That’s just the cherry on top. And I love 🍒!

So no, being Loretta is not a control thing. I am Loretta because it’s who I am, and I love being all of me. And like the song from the movie, the flower drum goes, I enjoy being a girl! 

Photo by Marcela Laskoski

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