So where to from here? 

So I know that life is a journey but where to from here? I’ve spent the last few months trying to understand a bit more about me. And I think that I know a lot more about myself than I did before.

So here is where I am. I’m a girl at heart. I’m married to the girl that I love. But she’s not in love with the girl that I am, and I think she feels like she’s lost her husband. I have a son who loves me, but he doesn’t really understand why daddy likes to be a girl. We’re still together and I don’t think that we’re at risk of breaking up.

I’m a girl at work, and a boy at home. Obviously not the most blokey of boys, but a boy just the same. And that’s OK. I’m comfortable being a boy at home. Like I’ve said I don’t hate being a boy. But I do need to indulge my girl side.

My life as a girl is amazingly good. I have been constantly expecting bad things to happen. But they never do. Somehow I’m blessed. Or I pass very well as a girl. I’m my own worst critic so I can’t believe that people don’t pick me as actually being a boy. But then even people who know that I’ve changed don’t recognise me. The auditors came in this year, knowing that I was now Loretta. But still didn’t recognise me when they came.

At work I’m totally accepted as a girl. They’ve all been so amazing for their acceptance. I’m a lucky girl, and I’m continually shaking my head in amazement.

My mum loves me and is comfortable with Loretta being around. I think she likes the way I dress. I do try to dress nicely and as stylishly as I can. It must be strange for her to think that of her children, it’s her son who is the most stylishly dressed of her 4 girls.

So everything is good. It’s not perfect but it’s very very good. There’s no drama in my life, and I am who I am. So where to from here? I don’t know. And I really don’t know that I have more to blog about. The journey continues but big questions have been answered.

I’m a girl at heart. But I’m not going to transition. And I’ll make sure that my family stays together.

Photo by Emily Morter

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