Halloween 

I’m not sure why I chose Halloween to make my first appearance as a girl at work last year, but I did. The timing seemed right though. The busy time at work was over and there were only 3 people coming in that day. And I’m so glad that I did, because that was the first step of so many more, to becoming the girl I am. 

To be able to express the girl that I am, for pretty much half of my waking hours each week has been wonderful. And now it’s been a year. It’s crazy to think that it’s actually been a whole year. I’ve learnt so much, but am still a long, long way from being totally confident as a girl. I’m comfortable, but not confident. 

But that’s OK. I can continue on my journey and gain more and more confidence. I’m already so much more confident than when I started. That first week was a so different to how I am now.  At work I wasn’t confident with talking to anyone who wasn’t staff. But with practice that confidence came. 

And then for a few months I struggled with my voice, which wanted to default to boy, if I wasn’t concentrating on girl. But after lots of practice speaking with people, AND a lot of singing (Let it go, How far I’ll go etc) it now comes naturally. So much so that when I’m girl I speak like a girl. And when I’m boy I speak like a boy. And it just happens, I don’t even think about it.

And there’s been lots of trial and error, which is great because if I don’t make mistakes I’m not trying hard enough. That gorgeous white long sleeve lace top makes me look huge! Red lipstick works for me, but it draws too much attention. Especially seeing as it always seems to bleed. Don’t get me started on foundation… Oh. My. God. It took forever for me to find something that I was comfortable with. But, all this trial and error over the past year, has brought me to the point where I feel that, at least I have my look together now.

And on my journey I’ve completed rites of passage like, getting my ears pierced which felt like such an achievement. “Oh my God, I did it!”. I actually whispered that in awe, when I looked in the mirror at the salon. Earlier this week I saw a photo of a friend’s young daughter, who had her ears pierced the other day, and I recognised that smile. That was exactly how I felt! 

And now I regularly go to the beauty salon to get my eyebrows done. And I’m a regular at the laser clinic where they clear up some stray hairs. And I no longer shave but I am getting pretty good with a pair of tweezers. 

And how far have I come in the fashion stakes? I started out wearing a lot of pants and jeans with casual tops. And as my wardrobe slowly started to expand I found a lot of box pleat skirts that I just loved. And then it became fit and flare….every day! Now I still love my fit and flare. AND I love my jeans and stripey tops. But I try to mix it up every day now. Dresses, short A-line skirts, sleeveless tops, pencil skirts, shorts, they’ve all become part of my wardrobe and I try to wear them all. 

Shoes! Oh my God! I have too many shoes, but not enough! Girl, I’m definitely a girl! 🙂 I started out being practical. Black courts, nude pumps, tan flats. You know easy to mix and match. But what am I wearing nowadays? My pink double strap mules are my go to. My floral stiletto sandals are on standby. And my taupe block heel ankle boots have taken me all over the city. My flat white sandals are the ones I go to when the rest of my outfit has enough colour. 

Boob problems. I’ve had a couple. Starting with being allergic to the super duper expensive ones. And extending to whoa! I need some bigger bras. That was after I ordered new boobs in the same size as the old ones, only for them to be a cup size bigger! And then having my boobs turning to mush and getting replaced under warranty.. Phew! 

So here we are, it’s Halloween again and I have come so far and there’s still a long way to go, but I’m on my journey. No I didn’t wear a costume last year. But it was a great opportunity to start being myself in real life. This year? Still no costume but I am trying my best to channel Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I don’t think I’m succeeding but I do look cute 😉

Photo by Ian Schneider 

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