It’s funny, well really it’s not. I’ve been lucky enough to go to a couple of transgender meetings this month. Both the queer agenda, and the women’s group meeting. Somehow after introductions the conversation turns to THE big issue in our transgender lives……toilets 🙂

For lucky me, toilets are a non-issue. I pass reasonably well so I just go to the toilet for the gender I’m dressed as. That’s not to say that I’m not a little extra careful in the girls’ toilets. But for others it is a problem because they don’t pass as well. And they certainly have had issues, and will continue to have issues. And it’s crazy that this happens because they just need to go for a wee. Well sometimes a number 2. And maybe to fix their makeup…just like anyone else. 

At both of these meetings this month, this  seemed to be the ice breaker topic. The one where everyone had a point of view and that we could “bond” over. Once we got past this then we could talk about some of the deeper things in our lives. Sadly for me I’ve got nothing to add to these discussions. So I just wait until we get past it.

And when we did get past the toilets, it was great. For a lot of us, we want to know what is next? What should we be doing? And for each one of it will be different. Some of us are thinking hormones and surgery. Whilst I’m the opposite, definitely no surgery nor hormones. And then there’s those of us who are lost in the middle and unsure of what to do next. 

And that’s what I love to help with. I’m no guru. My experiences are way different to anyone elses. But hopefully I can open eyes to what is possible, and maybe provide some suggestions to help them to explore further. I’m sure that their journey will have a different destination than mine. But I do hope that I can help them continue on their way. 

For me, these group sessions are to help each other. I listen for things that might help me. So I’m very quiet most of the time. And if we’re talking toilets, I’ve got nothing to say. But if there’s something I can help with, I definitely share my experiences. 

The nice thing about the queer agenda meeting this month was that there were 10 people there! I’d gotten used to just a handful of people so it was good to see so many people there. And most of them were young…….mid twenties. And it was a real mixture this time round. It was so good. 

I’m not sure that K is best facilitator but it was a good night nevertheless. It looks like we’ll be staying with 2 hour sessions at 5.30 on a Friday. So that works out really well for me. 

The women’s group seemed to be the senior women’s group. I was the youngest one there. I’m guessing they’re struggling to attract women my age to this session. And I’m going to bet that it’s because we’re all working at 1.30pm! 

Given the timing of the session I would just about write this off as a once only experience. However the facilitator is trying to get a voice coach in for one of the sessions, and I’d really like to go to that one. So I might try to get to some more of these to see what else is on offer. 

Sadly I’m way too old for the young women’s group (up to 30) so I guess that’s it for groups I can attend. Things can be a bit hit and miss at these meetings, but it’s certainly good to be able to make contact with those with similar issues. I thoroughly recommend it…..provided you can put up with the toilet stories…….

Photo by Julien Delaunay 


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