The long break – Dysphoria watch – week One

I’m on my long break from work. And I’m worked up about it…. Girl at work, boy at home is my dividing line. How will I survive with minimal girl time? If the  couple of weekends before Christmas are any indication, then the answer will be badly 😦

Day 0

Girl me rode home from work today. Anything to have a little more girl time. The best part of my day was actually riding around to the post office and shops in my pretty skirt. It’s hard to beat, feeling pretty and cruising around on my bicycle. 

Coming home and taking my makeup off was a bit traumatic though. I could feel the dysphoria rising up in me. 

Day 2

Theres no time for dysphoria so I’m doing well as a result. The bad news is that I’m still busy even though work technically finished on Thursday at 12pm (Ha! Another 10 hour day). And Friday was a full morning of work followed by optometrist and christmas shopping. And today was another full morning of work followed by preparing the house for Christmas Eve lunch with the in-laws. 

Day 3

Christmas Eve lunch. I hit all my timing targets 🙂 so the day was under control along with my dysphoria. Big menu….. Lots of leftovers which we will be eating for days to come. 

Day 4

It’s Christmas day! It’s been a busy couple of days and I’ve missed being a girl but I haven’t slipped into dysphoria. Today should be fun. It will be an especially busy morning but hopefully I can relax a bit after that. Much to do! Much to do! 

I wonder if it’s because I’m too busy for dysphoria to strike? I think that I’m not too far away from the edge though. So what have I been doing to keep it at bay? I do have my pink mules in the laundry room so that I can wear them when I go out to hang out the washing. And I’ve been wearing my “diamond” studs continuously. And I have been working on hip sway. 

I practice hip sway when I can. It’s such a rhythmical way of walking. And I wonder if people notice when boy me is walking that way. Not that I want them to. It’s just that at the moment I don’t have girl time to practice. However I do know that in a skirt hip sway feels deliciously feminine.

Day 5

Boxing day. And no plans to do anything today except relax at home and play games with the family. We all slept in for once and we all really needed it. However not being busy gives my dysphoria a chance to rear its head. Luckily it didn’t didn’t get ugly though. 

I was certainly showing some symptoms though. Mild depression, and anxiety. And a longing to become Loretta. Fortunately that was as bad as it got, and I survived another day.

Day 6

I went for a ride this morning. So that was good. However I could feel that in the background things weren’t quite right. No dysphoria though. I also stopped at the shops and saw this girl in a pretty white skirt. Oh how I would love that skirt. High, low, lace overlay. I’m sure she saw me checking her out. But I’ll bet she never thought that I just wanted her skirt! 

Then I found out that we were going to holiday with the in laws for a whole week! Not my cup of tea that’s for sure. Effectively it means that my long break is now a week shorter. And I’m really not looking forward to this. I guess I’m worried that it’s going to turn into a one week bitching session. Given how Christmas eve turned out I would not be surprised if that happened. 

So I’m depressed. I don’t think that I’m dysphoric but I am trying to find comfort through my girl side though. Necklace and earrings….but they’re not helping a whole lot. I guess I just have to hang in there.

​Day 7

Hot day! And today we’re off to wet n wild. But not before the bank calls about a direct debit. Money is tight at the moment and my wife is not happy about it which is fair enough. Sadly though it’s putting my stress and depression levels through the roof. Dysphoria? Well it’s there but in comparison to the stress and depression it’s a non issue. At least wet n wild was fun and we got to celebrate my nieces birthday at dinner 🙂

End of week one

So that’s it….. I’ve made it through week one! Too busy early on to be dysphoric. And too stressed and depressed later in the week for dysphoria to be a major problem…… I’m not sure that this is how I was planning to get through my dysphoria though 😦

Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel


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