The long break – Dysphoria watch – week two

I’m on my long break from work. And I’m worked up about it…. Girl at work, boy at home is my dividing line. How will I survive with minimal girl time? If the  couple of weekends before Christmas are any indication, then the answer will be badly 😦 

So I survived week one with only minor dysphoria. But this was not achieved in the prettiest of ways. Hopefully week two is better? 

Day 8

Dysphoria? Who’s got time for that? It’s nagging at me but there’s too many other things to worry about. Another hot day today……and I get to spend it at a funeral 😦 At least it won’t be as hot as Taryn’s mum’s funeral….now that one really was hot! 

Today I’m getting by with my diamond studs and my necklace. I’m needing them to counterbalance a long sleeve shirt and pants. Can’t I wear my short black skirt with a short sleeve crop top? Surely that would be much cooler, and cuter too! What do you mean that’s not suitable for a funeral? Sigh! 

There’s no time for any dysphoric episodes today as I also need to get the shopping done and get dinner up. Yep very short on time! I do manage to give uncle Tom the heads up to expect a call from me though. 

Day 9

Sort of a relaxing day. But getting stressed over money again. I’ve put my head down to review last year’s figures and prepare a budget going forward. We’ve also decided to go to NYE fireworks… Target? Dawes point…. Oh boy it’s going to be busy and we’re going to need some luck. 

Managed to get some Mario galaxy in along with some scrabble and minecraft cards. So I did get to unwind some. And I even had time to make burgers and chips for dinner 🙂

In dysphoria world its still only mild, partially being offset by earrings and necklace. 

Day 10

New Years Eve. Oh God how I would love to be able to wear a pretty dress for new years eve. That would be just so cool! I think I’ve developed a thing for white skirts. I know I gave a reputation for pretty spring skirts….but white skirts a really capturing my attention right now. 

Dysphoria watch says that everything is calm and under control. It’s like I’ve gotten over the cold turkey stage and smell feeling OK. 

Day 11

New Years Day. It’s wet n wild day. And I’m feeling good – dysphoria wise. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t jump at the chance to be Loretta again. I’d do it in a heartbeat if the timimg was right. 

Day 12

I really think that I’m ok. I’m not suffering anxiety or depression anymore. And I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’ve had time to relax and unwind? Maybe I’m discovering that I can survive for a bit longer than I thought without Loretta being in my life. 

Well that’s not entirely accurate. It’s all me, it’s more about being able to express Loretta. And really that only occurs when Loretta goes out and interacts with people. But for now I’m doing OK. 

Day 13

Loretta is back. Today was always going to be a strong chance for Loretta to make an appearance. I’m visiting mum, and looking for more of dad’s old documents so I can get his tax returns ready. 

Mum’s is a safe place for Loretta to go and we had a good talk. And she got to go to the shops and to the bike shop…where she’s been going to for years….just never as herself. And in another wonderful moment, they were so accepting 🙂

I had a great day. And it was so good to be able to go out and interact with people, and just generally feel alive 🙂 I certainly missed my girl time but I’m pretty sure I can make it through at least until the 19th. After that all bets are off. 

Day 14

And two weeks is over. I’ve made it. No dysphoria today either. Although as I’ve said before I would jump at the chance to be Loretta again. But I’m ok, I’m not feeling bad without her. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 

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