So who am I?

Am I Loretta? Or am I some boy? I seriously wonder sometimes if I have a split personality. I don’t think I do, I don’t think one personality actually knows the other exists in split personalities so that’s not me.

But when I’m boy I seem to be boy. Like I have been for most of my life. And when I’m Loretta, I’m Loretta. It’s just automatic there’s really no thinking about it anymore. It just happens.

I used to have to “prep” Loretta’s voice in the morning before it was ready to go. But now it just seems to work. Which is perfect, because sometimes I forget to do warm ups. Especially if I’m running to make a bus. And then I’ll get somewhere and rather than getting a squeak when I speak for the first time in the morning, I actually get Loretta 🙂 I still do “prep” when I remember though, force of habit now I guess.

It’s so amazing how far my voice has come since I started coming to work as Loretta. When Loretta started work it was still with boy voice. And it took me a month or so to find a voice that I wanted to work with. I had heard that singing helps, so I did, and it did help. Still it took a few months for me get really comfortable with it.

But really the biggest help was actually being Loretta. I had to “find” my voice if I really wanted to be Loretta. And given that Loretta is half my waking life I just had to find it. I’ve seen quite a few videos, read quite a lot of stuff online about finding my voice. Some of it helpful, some of it not. But now that I have my voice, I subsequently found this video on YouTube and I think it breaks down what you need to do to get your girl voice, better than anything else I’ve watched or read. https://youtu.be/NE4DjgNhOMs

UPDATE: Oh no! It’s been taken down 😦 Let’s see if I can remember what he said:

1 Vocal posture – essentially make your mouth smaller by making your tongue touch your soft palate. Then close your pharyngeal wall in your throat. This should help you speak more with your mouth rather than bringing throat and chest into play.

2 accent – pick an accent to imitate. I guess here in Australia the accent isn’t too different across the country but the key is picking something that you’re familiar and comfortable with. And then he would key in on a couple of sounds in this particular case the “r” and the “s”

2b musicality – he gave this it’s own subpoint. It’s really about the rise and fall in the tone that girls speak in. Unlike the monotone that boys speak in.

3 pitch – don’t speak in falsetto, it sounds hollow and not like a girl at all, just pitch your voice as high as it will naturally go. For him it was the pitch that he speak at when he was excited.

It was quite amazing how he could break this down and then piece by piece following the above he would get his tongue and soft palate to meet, then close his pharyngeal wall, then add in an accent, and then add in the musicality. By this stage he already sounded like a girl. But the he keyed in on “r” and “s” and finally raised his pitch and the result was simply amazing.

I’m so sad this has been taken down. It was a video I wanted to watch and re-watch to improve my voice. I think my voice isn’t too bad but hopefully I remember enough of it to help myself now.

And it gives me things that I can still work on and improve. And better yet, I can actually understand what he means. Yes, he 🙂 I don’t think he’s trans, rather he’s someone that can do voices and can actually explain it well.

But it’s more than just the voice, I think and act like Loretta, when I’m dressed as her. And I think and act like boy me when I’m dressed as him. There may be some small crossover, but it’s quite a change whenever I get changed.

And the voice comes with the change. I have to concentrate on Loretta’s voice if I’m using it when I’m in boy mode. And using boy voice when I’m Loretta takes a lot of concentration too. Too much most of the time because I’ll slip back to Loretta’s voice almost every time.

So here I am, pretty much two lines of thinking but one body. Confusing or what? But somehow I need both of these sides to be who I am.

Photo by Jamison McAndie

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