One Hundred

Wow!

I always thought that I would get to a hundred posts. I mean if you haven’t noticed I do like to go on a bit. But even though I expected it, It still feels wonderful to have achieved it. It’s taken me 13 months to achieve this so that’s not bad going. That’s a post every 4 days or so, or more likely nothing for 3 weeks and then 7 in a row 🙂

So am I achieving my objectives? I think so. I’ve continued to explore my life as a transgender girl. I’ve had the revelation that I may actually be bigender. Which was followed up by the revelation that I might actually be a transgender girl that’s also a husband and father. So in my mind my gender is still fluid….I’m still exploring.

I’ve enjoyed writing about my experiences as a transgender girl in the real world. I pass quite well so I know things are easier for me than a lot of my sistren. The real world has been very kind and accepting of me. My experiences have been atypical of transgender people as far as I can tell from what I read, and from what I hear from the meetings I go to and from what my counsellor tells me. I so wish it was as easy for all of us, as it is for me.

I’ve found that I actually do suffer from gender dysphoria. It’s not crippling but can be debilitating at times. It seems to crop up in the lead up to holiday time when I know that I don’t get as much girl time, and of course during holiday time.

My transgender life continues to make things difficult at home. Or more specifically it’s caused difficulties between my wife and I that remain unresolved. It’s not like we’re breaking up, or that we fight. It’s just not the same anymore (duh!). And I don’t think that my wife is comfortable seeing Loretta around. So I’m Loretta as little as possible at home. Of course my relationship with my wife is the major thing that I need to resolve in my life.

I love being a girl! The freedom to wear what I like. The different way that people relate to me. The freedom to express my softer side. And I’m not ashamed to say it, but I love being able to make myself look pretty.

It seems like I have two distinct parts to me boy side and girl side. And most times these sides automatically happen depending on how I’m dressed. The times when it doesn’t happen automatically are when I’m suffering from gender dysphoria.

I’ve continued to have fun with my writing. I never wanted to write a dark and miserable blog, that would be no fun. But equally I didn’t want to blog about my life through rose coloured glasses. I think I’ve found a balance.

So what’s next? I’m going to continue to explore my life as a transgender girl. Hopefully I can continue to blog my experiences and bring happiness, sadness, light, dark and really just bring life to these pages.

Thank you everyone for being so wonderful to me. Especially thank you to my wife and son for trying to reinvent our lives with this huge change in our lives. There’s no one this affects more than you. Not even me.

Thank you to my mum, my sisters and all of my extended family who have been so accepting. Thank you to all of my work colleagues past and present who have witnessed my transformation first hand. And thank you to all of my friends who have also just accepted me for who I am.

Thank you to everyone I’ve come in contact with as Loretta. You’ve all been wonderful. Especially those of you who have needed to see my ID. JPs, bankers, doctors nurses, phone consultants, service NSW. You’ve all been so amazingly professional and friendly.

Thank you to my counsellor, I really don’t think I would have come as far as I have without your wisdom and support. And thank you to all at the GC, both the staff and the groups. I’m really going to miss going to group meetings and sharing our experiences.

And thank you S for your friendship. To have someone to talk with who gets what I’m going through just makes my journey just that little bit easier.

I don’t know if I’ve got another 100 posts in me but I’ll see what I can do. See you in the next hundred!

♥ Loretta

Photo by Alex Iby

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